Exercise 88

Abuses and Neglects

During your Fourth Step, you made a column entitled "Ugly." In this section of your Fourth Step, you listed events that happened to you that were not your fault, although they still impacted your life. It is now time to look at these events and begin recovery from them as part of your recovery.

Many have experienced various forms of abuses growing up. Some emotional abuse instances could consist of being shamed or yelled at regularly, being cut down or humiliated. Emotional neglect could consist of not being talked to, nurtured or cared for, or asked as to how you felt. Physical abuse for some is being hit or watching others being hit. Physical neglect would include being improperly clothed, not having food for a length of time, and inadequate shelter. Spiritual abuse is sometimes being emotionally or physically abused while your parents justify this by their religious beliefs. Some sexual abuse instances would include exposure to pornography, verbal sexual innuendos, sexual touches, and any sexual behaviors between siblings or parents. Sexual neglect is not informing you about your body changes and about sex.

In the space below, check the areas of abuse and or neglects you feel you have experienced.

Abuses

Emotional - I was shamed and yelled at with some degree of regularity, moreso shamed though.

Physical - Though infrequent, I do remember being whacked on occasion. It is clear to me now
that it was always during times of extreme stress for either of my parents.

Spiritual - Probably my parents telling me I would wind up in hell was not a good choice on their
part.

Sexual - I was encouraged to participate in sexual acts with a male relative by him showering
me with attention and the sex acts being called a game. I was blindfolded during the
game, so I wasn't really sure of what happened.

Neglects

Emotional - The silent treatment was used often in my childhood home when I was bad. I don't
ever remember being asked how I "felt" about anything.

Physical - No

Spiritual - Unsure

Sexual - I was not equipped with information on sex or physical changes from my parents. My
mother swears she had "the talk" with me and my sister at the same time. Problem is,
my sister is three years older than me. So if she got "the talk" when she was eleven,
that would have made me only eight. When I started my menstrual cycle, I was
shocked and scared. I showed my mom and she said, "So what. Get a maxi pad and
put it on." I really couldn't believe her attitude toward me, then or now.