Step Seven

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

Humbly

Humbly can mean a disposition, an attitude, a reverence, or a submissiveness. I can remember a couple of instances in my educational experience where I was called into the principal's office and there appeared to be a feeling of humbleness when I was waiting to go into his office. It was the feeling of knowing that this person can impact my life. They can have an effect on me and they have the authority to do something either positively or negatively, and I am at their disposal. This feeling of humbleness many of you may have experienced in your life.


What are some of the experiences you have had that caused you to feel humble?

1. When, as a new graduate, I accidentally gave a patient a medication without checking her blood pressure first.

2. When I got my SAT scores back and they weren't as high as I had hoped or believed they would be.

3. When my daughter calls me beautiful, because she is so physically attractive.


What are the feelings that accompanied you in those experiences when you were humbled?

I felt small.

I felt self conscious.


When was the last time you were in an experience like that?

Recently, when my private duty patient fell while she was in my care.


Asked

There is an old saying, "You have not, because you asked not." This is also true when it comes to your healing in Step Seven. Many have never honestly looked fully at character defects or limitations. For the first time you have an intelligent list to ask from.

What are some of the things that you have asked of God before and you have received them?

1. A healthy baby.

2. Passing my nursing board exam.

3. For Him to take care of my son during his surgery.


Many times it takes what some people call "faith," "trust," or even "hope" in asking. Some of you have felt so desperate and full of despair because of some of the shortcomings you have in your past or current life and feel like there is no way out. Now you come to a point where you can ask. Asking doesn't always mean it is going to happen the way you want it to or that you are going to be in control of the procedure. But let's go ahead and look at the possibility of asking.

What are some of the things in Step Six that you would like to ask to be removed?

(Here I listed all of my character defects from Step Six.)


Him

Him refers to God. At this point in your recovery, God is the only power greater than "ourselves" according to Step Three.

What are some of the aspects of God you are clinging to as you ask Him to do these things for you?

Discernment, mercy, gentleness, and wisdom.


Have you experienced these characteristics before in your relationship with God? If so, how?

Yes. I had a medically necessary abortion because the baby had a severe birth defect that was not compatible with life. We had planned the pregnancy and I was half way through the pregnancy when we were given the diagnosis during a routine sonogram. I didn't want to have an abortion. I was a Catholic. And I desperately wanted that baby. The doctor told me to continue the pregnancy was risking my own life. We had a two year old child at home. I was afraid to die and leave him without a mother. I was afraid to die, period. We went to the hospital where they induced labor. We were able to see and hold and say goodbye to our son. When I left the hospital, I felt like I was being supported. God was merciful and gentle with me.


Remove

We talked about remove in Step Six. This is where you ask for it to actually happen. You are beyond "entirely ready." You are at the physician's table and asking Him to cut in and remove the cancer and the things that ail you. You are asking Him to cut deep into your mind and will and remove. During this procedure, there may be a variety of experiences that you may have.

What are some of the experiences you are anticipating to happen?

1. Panic - that "no turning back" feeling.

2. Powerlessness.

3. Relief.


Have you had any experience with God removing anything else in your life?

Yes.

If so, explain what and how he removed it.

I had cluster headaches about 17 years ago and I prayed for Him to just take them away and they honestly just disappeared maybe a year later. I haven't had one since.


Did you believe or foreknow that He would do the removal the way he did?

No, I thought I would be plagued with them forever because my father has them.


It is true that the removal process is somewhat of a mystery. Who would think that to create patience, you would experience situations that would cause you to become patient? Who would think that in the process of becoming kind, you would have to actually change or behave in a new way?

Many of the processes which God is going to use in your life are not in your control, nor should they be. The removing is not your doing. it is clear that you are asking someone else to do something much like going to a surgeon's office and asking them to fix something. You don't have the insight or the education that the surgeon has, nor would you want it. You just have to trust that they have it and can do what you are asking them to do.

Have you seen God remove things in other people's lives?

Yes.

Was He successful?

Yes

What are some of the feelings you have of God being in control of removing the things that you have listed as being 100% ready to remove in Step Six?

I feel fear, of not being in control.

I feel trusting and secure that I am doing the right thing by letting Him remove these.


Our

Our is a great word in the Twelve Steps. It means that there is more than just one person who has gone through this and that you are not the only one who has to. You are not alone, nor will you ever be.


Who are some of the people you know who have done their Step Seven and what are some of their experiences after going through a Step Seven?

M - "My biggest shortcoming was that I didn't have any boundaries. Not towards myself, nor to H. or DD. Everybody could walk all over me and I was constantly manipulating everybody in my environment. It also kept me very much into the 'victim role'. Reading the book 'Boundaries' was a real eye-opener and I had a C. helping me to develop healthy boundaries and coping strategies in life."

N - "I don't remember any great Damascus Road feelings or experience. I think it would be difficult to ask God "humbly" and have any expectations whatsoever of a great feeling, revelation, or whatever. To me humbly has a connotation of leaving all (and I mean A L L) the results to Him. For me, so long as I hold on to my expectations of what I should feel, or what or how God should respond, then the humility is a little less and my own ego has gotten involved again."

J - "My shortcomings...well the biggest one I had which affected everything in my life...or should I say 'INfected' everything and everyone...was that *I* truly hated myself. It took the help of a counselor...and this is where take and toss really came in handy. This one thing he helped me gain and (keep gaining) victory. (Group name) also helped me ...My first retreat, at the end, I was given this beautiful verse that I taped on my mirror...I repeated it everyday and I as I looked in the mirror I would tell myself I was beautiful and deserving of forgivness and of being loved. I actually had to look back see myself as a young child and see myself as my neice...She looks just like me...I imagined touching her hair and how beauitful she is...and I imagined touching her silky straight hair...and how innocent she is...I then pictured myslef as that little girl and realized I was just a baby...this horrible thing that was done to me was not my fault. It was then I truly started loving and forgiving myself."

K - "For me, I guess I procrastinated praying through all my defects because there seemed to be so many and I didn't want to look at it all. I felt defeated. Also there is this fear I had that God would use some horrible tragic circumstance to rid me of many of my defects. God often uses trials to do this to people and he's done it to me before too. But as I forced myself to work through it, I saw that my defects are things that in the end leave me feeling empty and they also hurt my relationship with God and others. God's way of dealing with life is more rewarding. I also like scheduling a time a year from now to see how I have improved. I think I'll need to check back more often than that just to remember to depend on God as we both work through these."


Shortcomings

Shortcomings are the same things as defects. They are carbon spots or issues you have identified in Step Six.

Review your Step Six and look carefully over the defects that you said you were 100% ready to have God remove. On a seperate sheet of paper, write out your prayers to ask God to remove one character defect at a time. Don't rob yourself and try to clump them all together. Ask Him to take His knowledge and ways to systematically remove them and give Him full permission to rank them in His order. He sees the most important and viable issues. It is much like surgery. Sometimes the surgeon has to prioritize what is going on within the system. If someone has been shot, he has to look past something else to get to what is primary. Allow God to prioritize as He removes these aspects of your character defects.

(Done, but embarrassed to share my prayers. I'm not quite the "prayer warrior" that I wish I was...)


What was the most significant thing you learned about yourself in doing your Step Seven?

For me, losing my pride was crucial in doing Step Seven, admitting that I don't know everything and don't have all the answers. Admitting, or at least coming to realize, that God is in control. That He is not the servant of my agenda, but that I am the servant of His agenda.

It's been hard to imagine that I'm prideful because of low self esteem issues. I think I was equating pride with vanity or conceit. But I am definitely prideful.

Another thing I learned is that by asking God to remove these character defects, I am *sure* he will be giving me plenty of opportunities to see these shortcomings and how he is working in my life. My part in all this seems to be to stop running away from the removal process. I've prayed over these issues already, and there is still the fear that, like K said, God will use some horrible circumstance to rid me of these defects. My pattern in the past has been to avoid the pain, and go back to the old coping strategies. Now, I'm just going to have to push my level of comfort.

A scripture verse that I was told to meditate on for this Step was Matthew 7:7-11. 7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

I serve a loving God, who gives me exactly what He knows I need.